It’s Festivus night, and I was a bit torn when I wanted to write something along these lines because A) I didn’t really want to put a lot of time or thought into it, and B) I was unsure of whether to Make it a “Festivus Airing of the Grievances” piece or a “Christmas Wish List.”
As concerns “A,” I didn’t put much time or thought into it, whatsoever. Believe me.
As concerns “B,” I combined the ideas and made it something of a “Festivus Wish List” in which the grievances are implied by the wishes. Do you understand? I didn’t think so. Hell, I’m not sure I get it, either. Not entirely, anyway. I probably started writing this after having had one Jack Daniels ® too few.
Anyway, this list is comprised of wishes I have for certain, select, politicos, media types and at least one pretender at both, or something. At the beginning of each line is the person/entity for which I have the explicit wish, which is then followed by said wish. Here goes.
Senate President Mike Miller: Hair dye and a pen to keep writing nasty letters (to)…
Maryland Comptroller Peter Franchot: $12 Million to $15 Million to replace the taxpayer money he “misplaced,” and, of course to Franchot’s bestest bud…
Maryland Governor Larry Hogan: A Red Ryder ® BB gun…and a “brass set.” Or, at least a set…
Lieutenant Governor Boyd Rutherford: A dose of relevancy.
Michael Busch: Nothing. Not even a lump of coal. Okay, I’m wrong – For Busch, I wish him the understanding that kickstarting Baltimore’s economic engine does not require an influx of tax dollars….
To Maryland State House Reporters: A lively governor who actually gives them something worthwhile to cover during the upcoming legislative session.
To The Washington Post: Common sense, or otherwise they’ll start depicting the daughters of GOP Presidential candidates as monkeys…Oh, wait. Never mind. My bad.
Now, onto the national scene, where I have grievances/wishes for the democratic presidential candidates. They need these things one Hell of a lot more than do the GOP candidates.
Hillary Clinton: A conscience. And an operation to remove that steel trap she’s got down yonder…
Bernie Sanders: A box of Depends ® and the invention of Anti-Dementia Cream.
Martin O’Malley: A successful and profitable music career with the rapidly approaching reformation of his band, O’Malley’s March.
And, finally, just because I can (and however many thousands of you may try to kill me if you knew I thought of it and didn’t use it)…
Li’l Guy: The Willpower needed to stop manipulating his pole.
Happy Festivus! Merry Christmas!